Do you remember the Bugs Bunny & Tweety Show? Of course you do, it was a staple of childhood television consumption since long before most of us were born. I often revisit some of those old cartoons as an adult and find that they truly are masterfully conceived pieces combining children's entertainment with social commentary, not to mention a hard-hitting soundtrack with the likes of Wagner, Strauss, Debussy, Rossini, and the list goes on. One could write a full dissertation on the content and impact of such a program but, of course, I'm here to write about coffee so what am I getting at? I'm thinking of that classic cartoon plot where Elmer Fudd is chasing Bugs down a hallway full of doors. He opens every single one only to find some horror or embarrassment but, alas, no Bugs Bunny.
I know this might be a stretch, but this is how I feel when I have coffee in some one's home. Be warned, my elitist leanings know no bounds when it comes to coffee and I find no shame in this fact. The best I can do for the rest of this post is try very hard to not mention names. I cringe and shudder inside when I am in some one's home and I hear the words, "would anyone like a cup of coffee?" Even my family and closest friends often surprise me with some coffee-esque abomination. The problem is compounded by the fact that people are proud of their strange, unsavory coffee tragedies and since they know my profession and passion, they want to prove to me how wonderful it is. I know that when the Mr. Coffee starts-a-bubblin' I'm being set up to open yet another door down the hallway of bad coffee to be appalled by one more misconceived notion of "good coffee".
Of course, these experiences could all be easily fixed with a little education, a dose of common sense and a minimal investment in equipment. With that said, I'd like to take a few examples from my past guest coffee experiences to highlight simple ways to have good coffee in your home to wow your guests and placate cantankerous snobs such as myself.
Scenario One
A few years back I was in the home of a family whom I know to have very good taste in food and beverage. They have an absolutely lovely home in an affluent neighborhood; the kind of home that makes you wish you had gone into medicine instead of music and coffee. After a very fine meal and good company the dreadful question was posed, "would anyone like a cup of coffee?" I inspected the scene and I was very pleased to see a Bialetti stove top espresso maker being lifted from the cabinet and I figured I was safe to assume I would enjoy this experience. I was wrong. I took my first sip of piping hot, well textured Bialetti-style espresso only to find that it tasted like hazelnut and chemicals. There is no place for flavored coffee in 2010 people! Haven't we learned that chemical perfumes added to poor quality coffee does not a good cup make? There is a simple solution. If you love hazelnut flavor with your coffee simply add some hazelnut syrup or extract after the brew and I guarantee you'll find it tastes better than your International Gourmet chemistry project.
Scenario Two
Recently I was enjoying the company of some friends and as the evening went on, the coffee question was posed again. This time the issue was compounded by the request that I make the coffee because it is assumed that since I work in the industry I can take your horrible grinds and long-dead Mr. Coffee, wave a wand, and produce a cup of rich, earthy Sumatra Mandheling. Still, I found myself agreeing to this idea and asked the host where I could find the coffee. I should have taken it as a sign when he pulled out six different flavors of creamer prior to producing the coffee. It got very bad, very quickly from that point forward. The host dug deep into the refrigerator, into the vegetable section (which is extra humid) and pulled out a strangely shaped can of French Vanilla flavored coffee of some unknown brand. Obviously I've already trashed the notion of flavored coffee so I will spare you that soapbox. Lets talk about coffee storage, and I promise this will be an entire post at some point soon but for now, keep your coffee out of the refrigerator and freezer! This old wives' tale is totally false. In fact, chilling coffee destroys any flavor it may have once had. The best place for your beans or grounds is neatly sealed in a Tupperware or plastic bag and stowed away from light, moisture or wild temperature variations. I choose the pantry. Your beans will stay fresh and flavorful much longer and won't take on pesky refrigerator smells such as raw onion.
Scenario Three
This story can basically be applied to 60% of people out there but I'll use my own mother because she knows I love her just the same. Cheap electric coffee pots make bad coffee. My mother is a lover of thrift stores and without a doubt, her latest coffee maker was purchased at one. The job of a coffee pot is simple, to heat water and dispense it slowly over ground coffee into a vessel. Heating is really the integral function here because most coffees need temperatures around 200F for proper extraction. I recently brewed a cup of Folgers at my Parents' cabin only to find that the coffee was not noticeably hot. I questioned my mother who delightedly responded, "oh I just put it in the microwave". Once again, fodder for a complete post here, but you have to have the proper temperature at the time of extraction. There are great coffee makers out there for around $150.00 that will provide many years of great coffee. I prefer the Cuisinart 12 Cup Thermal. If that is far out of your budget, go simple and get a Bodum Press for under $50.00 depending on the size.
Making a great cup of coffee for your guests in your home is not difficult or costly. It doesn't require any special skill or extravagant investment. Simply go to the nearest market that features local food producers and find coffee roasted locally and buy in small batches (8-16oz). For an even better experience, go visit your local small batch roaster and you'll likely enjoy tastings and education on the products you're buying. Take your coffee home in its original package and find it a Tupperware or plastic bag and a home in your pantry. Only add flavorings or sweeteners to the cup, not the brew and make sure you use a brewing method that can guarantee you're getting 200F water. Keep it simple, brew in small batches and for goodness sakes, don't ask me to do the brewing!
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